Anunturie de mai jos sunt culese din diferite colturi ale lumii, fiind facute pentru turistii vorbitori de limba engleza.

Cocktail Lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest Zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD.

Doctor’s Office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Dry Cleaner’s, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Sign in men’s rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.

In a Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River Highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom handdryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo Hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE PROHIBITED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Hotel Notice: Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING, PLEASE NOT TO HAVE NOTICED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel Room Notice: Chaing-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel Brochure: Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel Lobby, Bucharest:
THIS LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel Elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel Yugoslavia:
THE FLATENNING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hongkong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From a Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERSAND SCULPTORS. THESE WHERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IN RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICKLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BED ROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hongkong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVER CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY – NO ICE CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

I love you domnisoara
Si sunt very mahnit
Caci when i speak engleza
You razi necontenit

I know esti englezoaica
But it isn’t important
Amorul meu for tine
Is very palpitant

I can’t to sleep azi-noapte
Si-am stat sa learn ceva
From cartea de engleza
Sa-ti tell iubirea mea

Ah ar fi atat de bine
But you see nu-i chiar asa
Caci eu speak what I can spune
Dar mai zi si tu ceva

Te-ai gasit sa ma-ntelegi!
Vad ca dear te iubesc
Understand I love you draga
Cum naiba sa-ti mai vorbesc??

You are totul pentru mine
And i want sa ne iubim
Dar it’s difficult vezi bine
Caci we nu ne potrivim

Nu e clar sa-ncep mai bine
Uite Shakespeare, Juliette
Eu Romeo love pe tine
Vrei ceva si mai concret!

Concret i can’t know mai bine
And i speak ca un nauc
Si I’m sorry langa tine
Intru in the balamuc!!!

WTF – Nu aruncati chistoacele pe podea, intrucat ele ard mainile si genunchii clientilor la plecare….

Poate unul dintre cele mai interesante si mai colorate cuvinte din limba engleza astazi, este cuvantul “fuck.” Este cuvantul magic care, doar prin el insusi poate descrie suferinta, placere, dragoste si ura.
Gramatical, “fuck” se include in multe categorii.
Poate fi folosit atat ca verb tranzitiv (Jim fucked Lauren), cat si intranzitiv (Lauren was Fucked by Jim).
Poate fi verb de actiune (Jim really gives a fuck), ca verb pasiv (Lauren really doesn’t give a fuck), adverb (Lauren is fucking interested in Jim), sau ca substantiv (Lauren is a terrific fuck).
Poate fi folosit si ca interjectie (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Lauren).
Poate chiar fi folosit precum conjunctie (Lauren is easy, fuck she’s also stupid). Dupa cum vedeti sunt multe cuvinte care ar putea descrie intelesul cuvantului “fuck”.

Pe langa conotatiile sexuale, acest cuvant poate fi folosit pentru a descrie multe situatii:
* Un salut…………. “Who the fuck are ya?”
* Frustrare………… “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
* Resemnare………… “Oh, fuck it!”
* Probleme…………. “I guess I’m fucked now.”
* Agresiune………… “FUCK YOU!”
* Dezgust………….. “Fuck me.”
* Confuzie…………. “What the fuck….?”
* Neplacere………… “Fucking shit man…”
* Nedumerire……….. “Where the fuck are we?”
* Indoiala…………. “UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!”
* Razbunare………… “Up your fucking ass!”
* Apatie…………… “Who really gives a fuck?”
* Suspiciune……….. “Who the fuck are you?”
* Indrumare………… “Fuck off.”
* Placere………….. “She was the greatest fuck ever!”

Poate fi matern……. “MOTHERFUCKER!!”
Poate fi folosit pentru a indica ora……. ” It’s four fucking twenty!”
Poate fi folosit ca descriere anatomica…….. “He’s a fucking asshole.”

A fost de asemenea folosit de multi oameni celebrii de-a lungul istoriei:
“What the fuck was that?”
~Primarul Hiroshimei~
“Thats not a real fucking gun.”
~John Lennon~
“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?”
~Comandantul Titanicului~
“Who the fuck is gonna find out?”
~Richard Nixon~
“Heads are gonna fucking roll.”
~Anne Boleyn~
“Any fucking idiot could answer that.”
~Albert Einstein~
“It does so fucking look like her!”
~Picasso~
“You want what on the fucking celiling?”
~Michaelangelo~
“Fuck a duck.”
~Walt Disney~
“Houston we have a big fucking problem.”
~Cei sapte astronauti de pe Columbia~

Do you know what FUCK means?
F – flower in love with you
U – unhappy when you are away
C – care for you
K – kiss you
That’s why i wanna FUCK you every day!!

I love you atat de tare
incat I believe ca mor
you are so incantatoare
oh my dear cat te’ador !
when I go la brat cu tine
ma simt very magulit
caci are looking toti la mine
oh, I m so so fericit !
all ar fi atat de bine…
but you see, nu-i chiar asa
caci I tell ce simt in mine
dar tu smile si smile intruna
and I think ca spui traznai
please don’t face pe nebuna
si mai look in ochii mei
understand? I love you draga
cum the hell sa-ti mai vorbesc
you are totul pentru mine
and I want sa te intalnesc
but is dificult, vezi bine
caci your mother e pe faza
si din five in five minute
carefully te controleaza
maybe sa ajung la tine
ca in Shakespeare, “Juliet”
I Romeo love pe tine
give me scara din boschet.

Email intr-o multinationala cu birou in Romania, referitor la folosirea limbajului la munca:

To: All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff. All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:1. Words like “futui”, “în pula mea”, “pula” and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.
2. You will not say “si-a bagat pula” when someone makes a mistake, or “s-a cacat pe el” if you see someone being reprehended, or “baga-mi-as”, when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb “a se caca” and “a se fute” are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.
3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to as “pula de om”, “cacanaru’” or “boul”.
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as “pulalau” nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as “muiangiu”.
5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be referred to as “porcarii”.
6. Do not say “futu-ti mata” if somebody is persistent; do not add “pula” mea, if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say “am pus-o” (refer to item 2) nor “o sa ne-o traga” when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say “du-te-n pula mea” nor should you ever substitute “May I help you?” with “ce pula mea vrei”?
8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners “bosorogi împutiti”.
9. Do not say “ia mai mereti-n pula cu cacatu’” asta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer “futu-te-n cur” when your assistance is required.
10. You should never call partner representatives as “boul dracului” or “tampitu’ ala”.
11. The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as “pizdulica buna, futaciosu’” or “homalau’ lu’ peste”.
12. Last but not least, after reading this note, please do not say “ma sterg la cur cu textul asta”.Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.
Thank you.